But even if you're the person who ends the relationship, it still isn't easy. In any relationship, two people toss pieces of themselves into a pile - what they fear, what they like, who they want to be - and it becomes theirs. It's like this cute pet called Our Love that you nurture together, and as you feed it memories and emotions, it occasionally spits them back out for you, and you feel all warm and fuzzy about it.
OMG remember the PROM when you two fell even MORE IN LOVE?!?!
So when you break up with someone, you can't take back the individual things you put into the pile. It's transformed into this unrecognizable glob of emotions and memories called The Relationship and now it's like you have joint custody over this creature neither of you really wants anymore.
Remember when you two went to the prom? Remember all the hope and love you felt? Remember how that amounted to nothing? Yeah.
Even though you know The Relationship is hideous and on its way to death, you keep feeding it, sifting through the pile and wondering if it could ever be beautiful again. It's healthy to be able to revisit an old relationship and remember the good times, but you can't live in the memories 24/7. It's the difference between having a scrapbook of pictures to look over fondly and having a house full of worthless memorabilia. Like a hoarder, you carry the memories around with you because even though The Relationship is broken beyond repair, you hold out hope you can make it work again someday.
All those memories and emotions are useless, but you can't seem to part with them.
How do you get through this? How do you learn to let go? How do you get over an ex?
Fortunately, the Bible has the answer. If you're not familiar with the Bible, you might be familiar with a little animated movie called The Prince of Egypt. That should give you enough context to understand what I'm going to say next.
This movie was DA BOMB. So is this advice.
Little bit of history: Egypt enslaved Israel for 400 years. Think of yourself as Israel and your ex as Egypt. If you miss your ex, you're probably going to imagine a breathtaking country with beautiful golden sand and impressive pyramids. If you hate your ex, you're probably going to imagine a dry, oppressive, desert nation. Both are correct.
This picture appears breathtaking, but the beauty is artificial and nothing can grow here. Just like your old relationship.
The Lord had rescued the Israelites from 400 years of slavery in Egypt, and as He was leading them to the promised land in which they would be blessed beyond belief, some of them began to grumble. They had been wandering the desert for a while, and they were getting pretty hungry and impatient, so they said, "If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death" (Exodus 16:3).
They conveniently forgot that the Lord saved them from 400 YEARS OF SLAVERY. Did they remember about how awfully they were treated as slaves in Egypt? No, of course not! They remembered how delicious the food was.
Freedom is pretty great and all, but so are Big Macs.
They couldn't see where God was leading them, so they started romanticizing their awful past.
Let that sink in. They didn't romanticize a bad day or a bad relationship. They romanticized 400 years of slavery. God was leading them to the promised land, to freedom and blessing, to everything they could ever hope for, and yet they wanted to go back slavery because it was familiar. It was easier than trusting God. And their lack of trust is what made them wander the desert for 40 years before entering the promised land.
Here is why you can't get over your ex: You're afraid your ex is the best you're ever going to get.
But God is not in the business of having you settle for less! For whatever reason, being with that person was not what was best for you. He's taken you out of Egypt, out of that relationship, and you're not in the promised land yet, but you're on your way. It may feel like you're wandering in the wilderness, but God is leading you right to the place He wants you to be, to the place where He will bless you and prosper you. For some, that'll be to the right spouse - for others, that will be to the right job opportunity or the right friend or the right life experience.
Bigger and better things are yet to come.
Stop romanticizing your past relationship. It didn't work out for a reason. God's got bigger, better plans for you. All you have to do is trust that He's leading you to a better place.
Your ex may always have that piece of you, and that can be an uncomfortable truth to reconcile with. But that's all your ex will have - a piece. Even the best person can't understand much from one piece. Your ex may remember you any number of ways, but your ex won't remember you accurately. God, on the other hand, has all the pieces. He knows who you really are, and He loves you. Trust that He's leading you to your promised land.
And that is how you get over your ex without having to wander the desert for 40 years.
God will lead you to your promised land.
