You know the one. It's the list most Christian girls write when they're in middle school, and they think their One True Love is right around the corner. They write the List of traits their future husband will have and hide it in their junk drawer, hoping that in a few years they'll unearth it and smile before sending up a quick prayer of thanks that God fulfilled their wish.
Smart. Funny. Passionate. Trustworthy. Caring. Honest. Humble. Tall. Christian.
Basically, we wanted to marry a meme.
Maybe you didn't have the List. Maybe you had "Letters to My Future Husband." Maybe you mentioned your Inevitable Soulmate in your diary. Maybe you were too embarrassed to write something down, but you prayed for your future spouse every now and then. However you did it, you thought of your future married life because you wanted to make sure that when you met the right guy, you would just . . . know.
I've dated a few guys so far in my life. I'm no expert - I'm only nineteen, and I'm currently single - but I've learned a few things. And here's the biggest lesson:
God's plan probably involves you getting your heart broken.
Yeah, I know. Not exactly what you want to hear. Stay with me, though.
There's this sense of shame when you're a Christian girl who wants
to date guys. If you're already in a serious relationship, you're elevated to
this fairytale status in which you've found the One. But if you haven't found
the one yet and are still in pursuit, you're overeager. You're either the
Desperate Wannabe Housewife who needs a ring by spring, or you're a Semi-Skank
who is still technically a good girl but should probably reign it in and wait
for God to put Mr. Perfect in your life.
So basically, no matter what we do, we're judged. Awesome.
I'm not saying you shouldn't listen to God when dealing with your
love life. However, many Christian girls want to
date, but are too scared to. They believe dating is only God's plan if it ends
in marriage, and they don't want to risk not following God, so they try their
hardest not to date at all.
I don't think that's right.
What Christian girls are missing is the emotional maturity that
comes with having your heart broken. Not all dating relationships that don't
end with marriage are mistakes.
And that's 100% okay.
Here are all of the lessons I've learned from dating the
"wrong" guys:
- It's okay to be vulnerable.
- Don't date a guy who worships you.
- You can get everything you thought
you wanted and still be unhappy.
- There's a reason God doesn't want
you to be unequally yoked.
- Have the courage to voice your
opinion instead of burying it.
- You're beautiful with or without
makeup.
- Your ability to show grace instead
of anger is not a weakness.
- You deserve someone who does the
little things to show he loves you.
- You deserve to be loved.
- No matter what, you will always be loved by the Lord.
I've had relationships where I fly in the face of God's plan, and
I end up heartbroken.
Basically.
But then I've also had relationships where I pray for God's guidance
every day and see Him leading me to this relationship, and I've still ended up
heartbroken.
Sometimes, God's plan involves getting your heart broken so that God can put it
back together and make it stronger than before. He has to break down our
misconceptions about true love before we're ready for it, and sometimes, He
uses stupid boys to do it.
This will be you someday. Promise.
It's still important to guard your heart. I'm not saying you
should purposely make mistakes in your love life so God can fix them. What I am
saying is that everyone makes mistakes in their love lives, including Christian
girls. When that happens, don't beat yourself up for it. Don't wallow in shame.
The goal isn't to find the One. The goal is to become the One who
won't squander true love when God gives it to her, and sometimes, the journey
to becoming that person involves dating the wrong people.
So when you find yourself crushing on that cute guy in class,
don't bury those feelings. Pray to God about it. Take a chance. And if you
end up heartbroken, congratulations. You have an opportunity to grow closer to
God. Seize it.
Either way, you're inviting love into your life. That's not something you should regret.
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